Life. Lately.

I've been struggling with questions about writing this post for several weeks now...  Do I just stop posting and leave everyone to think what they will?  Do I spill the beans on why I've been MIA?  What are the pros and cons of each and what will the impact be on those involved?

I think what I've decided is to spill the beans and pray that this post will help someone that may be struggling too, or minimally that it will be therapeutic for me to get it off my chest and stop thinking about the blog for now.

I have written a post or two in the last couple months saying lots about family and needing to focus on that right now and asking for forgiveness on the lack of posting frequency.  I had a sick Aunt, a really sick Grandmother, and I had just learned I was pregnant...again.

I am thankful to say that my Aunt is still with us, but she is struggling through therapy that will hopefully get her back to a better place.  My dear, sweet, hilarious Grandmother has also found her peace in Heaven.  She passed last Monday morning and it was somewhat of a relief that her body was no longer suffering, but, of course, we'll miss her like crazy.  I could write a book on why I loved that lady.  I've never known anyone with her spunk and zest for life.  Even when her body failed her, her spirit and desire to live always remained.  I pray that I can be even half the woman she was and I will miss her supremely.

As for me and our latest DIY project, Baby #2, things haven't exactly gone as smoothly as they did with The Babe.  We found out we were expecting in September, so that put a halt in all of my painting and heavy lifting projects.  I'm such a worrywart and didn't want to take any chances on painting, so I still have a bunch of unfinished projects for The Babe's room laying in the garage.  Besides being extra cautious, I have also had a couple of previously unexplained bouts with spontaneous bleeding.  I think any woman can relate to the fear factor you experience when you see blood when you're expecting.  My first episode in early September was frightening, and I called the OB very quickly.  They saw me and suspected that perhaps we had been expecting twins and had lost one.  The other baby looked fine and they sent us on our way saying everything should be fine.  We'll never actually know if the twin thing was for real, but either way, we were thankful for the one healthy baby they saw in there.

Things had been moving along well since early September, but I had been more tired and nauseous than with The Babe, so projects and posting took a backseat.  Last weekend, we were returning from a much needed vacation in the Outer Banks when we were faced with yet another bleeding episode.  This time, it was horror movie scary.  I called our OB from the road and they said to head to an emergency room immediately.  So, Mr. Man wheeled the car around and we headed back to the hospital.

After we got checked in and I got settled onto my bed, they did lots of bloodwork and finally an ultrasound.  Mr. Man and I were so nervous as they wheeled me into the room on a stretcher.  We were about to see our baby on the screen....and we weren't sure what to expect.  As I laid silently on the bed clutching his hand, all I could do was recite the serenity prayer.  After what felt like a lifetime, I looked up at Mr. Man and realized he had a tear in his eye and at almost the same moment the ultrasound tech casually exclaimed about the little "jumping bean" she saw in there.  Mr. Man was too nervous to tell me that he saw a happy little swimming baby in there without some confirmation from the tech, but once she said everything looked okay with the baby, we were both relieved.  BUT, confused.  Where could all of the blood be coming from?

We left the hospital last Sunday with no answers.  Just orders for bedrest and to take it easy.  I went to my OB again on Friday and finally got an answer.  I've been diagnosed with subchorionic bleeds, basically when blood gets trapped between the uterus and placenta.  From the numbers I've seen online, it occurs in less than 5% of all pregnancies.  There doesn't appear to be much you can do about it, other than taking it easy and praying for the best.  I'm now about 12 weeks along and the OB said I'm at risk for miscarriage for at least the next two months (feels like forever BTW).  Hopefully, my body can sort this out on its own and the baby will be okay, but in the meantime, the only real things I can do to try to help are to stay hydrated and off my feet as much as possible.

So, that's why things have been quiet on the blog and why they're likely to continue being quiet.  Mr. Man has been positively amazing, and we have a great support network that has been encouraging and helpful.  I just pray that things turn out well and we can get back to "normal" soon.  I certainly feel like I have a new angel in heaven now to help keep me positive.  My grandmother would have nothing but positive words for me, and I try to remember to stay positive and encouraged.

Thanks for reading this super long post and for your understanding.  If you're one of our dear friends or family that didn't know about the pregnancy before now, I just want to explain why you didn't hear it from us directly.  It's just been so hard... Not wanting to say that we were expecting until we were sure that it would be okay, but since we still don't know how things will turn out and we've been a little "off" lately, I just felt it was time.  Plus, we could use all the prayers we can get... for our strength, our faith, and our trust that God's will be done.

I may post again when we have big updates or news to share... I don't really think I'll turn this into a journal about how things are going, but who knows.  Right now, I'm focusing on each day in front of us because that means we're one day closer to welcoming this precious little baby into our family.  Until next time....