Christmas Blessings

Christmas is definitely upon us and Mr. Man and I couldn't be more excited to share it with The Babe.  We **may** have gone a bit overboard with some of her gifts, but it was hard to restrain our excitement. Besides, she was in need of some different toys.  I'm not one to buy her things frequently, so she is a little tired of what she's been playing with...  We will be celebrating Christmas morning in our home next Friday before the official family celebrations begin elsewhere.  I absolutely cannot wait to make some new memories.

I also wanted to write down a few things to capture my thoughts about our precious baby boy.  The last week or so has been a real roller coaster.  It is so easy to just sit and dwell on things, but I've really tried my best to focus on the good.  We have a precious son that will join our family in 2012.  I pray that no matter what his birth reveals that we just be thankful and supremely happy for the blessing his life will surely bring to our family.  

Being the crazy internet researcher that I am, it's easy to search my way through hundreds of stories online and meet many families going through tough times.  Mr. Man thinks I shouldn't stress myself out more by reading these stories, but in some ways it brings levity to our own situation.  I realize that what we already have is more than others can dream.  We are blessed with our precious, healthy daughter and we also pray that whatever happens with our son will only bring us closer.  

If you're like me and sometimes need a reminder of everything we have to be thankful for, here are a few families I've been praying for recently.  If you're like Mr. Man, don't read.  :)  

• Jenny Swett:  An amazing, young mother that just recently passed from cancer.  She has two young daughters.  Her story of faith and courage has BEYOND inspired me.  http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jennyswett/mystory
• The Fitzgerald Family:  I have been following this family's journey for many, many months.  Their daughter, Saoirse, is very close in age to The Babe, and I couldn't help but feel for everything they've been through.  When Saoirse was a tiny baby, her mom was diagnosed with lymphoma and just a few short months later Saoirse was diagnosed with cancer.  Her mom is now in remission but they lost their sweet little girl this week.  http://newmomnewcancer.blogspot.com/
• David:  This family lives where I grew up in Southwest Virginia.  Their youngest son, David, started his journey dealing with cancer one month ago today.  Their family's commitment and faith is such an inspiration.  http://sweetlifewithboys.blogspot.com/
• There are also other family and friends going through rough times right now that I pray for every night.  I know they're also saying prayers for our family, too, and I have to say it's comforting knowing others are remembering us as we remember them.  **Thanks, Lindsay!  :)

So, as we all prepare to celebrate Christmas, I'm going to do my best to savor every moment and remember just how darn fortunate we are.  I'm not going to focus on how 2011 brought us so many unexpected trials and tears...  Instead, I'm going to say bring it on 2012.  We're ready to handle whatever you bring our way.  If we can demonstrate any of the grace, faith and courage that these other families have shown, I am not afraid.

Merry Christmas and many blessings from our family to yours!

A Baby Update

The last time I blogged was well over a month ago; it seems like it was just yesterday.  Thankfully, the time has passed quickly and it has been relatively uneventful.  We are beyond thrilled that our precious little baby has hung on and we've made it to just over 18 weeks.  We are now just six weeks shy of that "edge of viability" that means our baby could be born and most likely survive.  Back at the end of October, 18 weeks seemed forever away and now 24 weeks seems far away, too.  Just hoping that these next few weeks continue to be smooth and our baby hangs on.

As I'm typing this, I can actually feel the little twitchings of the baby in my belly.  It's such a reassuring and new feeling.  We went yesterday for our big anatomy ultrasound and were greeted with new images of our little one... a precious boy.  I will have to say I was surprised to see a little boy in there.  I just thought for sure we would be having a girl, but I'm thrilled to give The Babe a little brother and Mr. Man a fishing partner.  She's even been practicing saying brother and affirmatively nods her head up and down that she's going to be mean to him.  :)  Gotta love that she's starting early being a worrisome big sister.

There were a few things identified in the ultrasound yesterday that are a little scary, though.  The baby has an echogenic bowel.  I won't get into the technicalities and potential issues associated with an echogenic bowel, but there's a strong chance it could be related to the subchorionic bleeds I have had with the pregnancy.  Speaking of that, I still have a rather large and noticeable bleed near the baby.  It's a tiny bit smaller than what we saw during our last ultrasound, but it's definitely still large and present.  This means I still have to continue taking it easy and be on limited activity.  The Babe and I are venturing out of the house several times each week, though, and it has been a great emotional boost for us.

The other thing they saw on the ultrasound yesterday was that our little boy's femurs are measuring short for his age and they're also quite bowed in appearance.  We visited with specialists for a more in-depth ultrasound and they are not quite sure what could be causing this.  When you combine the bowel issue with the leg issue, often the baby will be diagnosed with Down Syndrome.  BUT, during screening earlier in my pregnancy, we were given only a 1 in 10,000 chance of a baby with DS.  SOOO, the doctors aren't sure about DS and we are afraid to risk an amniocentesis to find out either way.  That basically means that no one is exactly sure what's going on in there with him, and the doctors told us that we'll likely not know until he's born.  We will continue going to a specialist and my regular OB to monitor him closely and ensure that we're both as safe and healthy as can be.

Here's what we do know:

This is hard.  It is emotional.  It is scary.  It is happening.
I have been in denial.  I have been mad.  I have been sad.  I have been glad.

We also know that we have a precious little boy in there that is going to need us to be the best parents we can possibly be.  We will love him with all our hearts and will do whatever it takes to protect him and make him the happiest, best person he can be.  We still hold out hope that we deliver a perfect little boy next spring / summer.  If that doesn't happen, though, it doesn't matter.  As a family, we can handle it and are looking forward to bringing him into our crazy life.

I also know that right now I just keep thinking back to things I've picked up along the way in my life.  I keep thinking about how my Dad would be lecturing me about being patient and having faith that things will work out.  He always got so upset with me when I would push for things and be so impatient.  This pregnancy has tested my patience more than anything else in my life, and I have to kind of laugh when I think about how annoyed my Dad would be with me.  :)

I also keep thinking about this verse that used to hang on our kitchen wall in the house growing up.  It's the Serenity Prayer, and I've recited it more times during this pregnancy than in the rest of my life combined.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.


Please continue to think of our family and remember us in the coming months ahead.  We are so fortunate to be adding to our family and I do not want to lose sight of that.  There are so many others in this world with far more troubling circumstances, and I am trying to keep everything that is happening to us in perspective.  We are beyond blessed to have this little boy joining our family, no matter what the future holds, and I'm forever grateful for the opportunity to be his mom.

PS - I also just want to say thank you to everyone that has supported us during this pregnancy.  I haven't been the best about sending thank you notes, returning emails / texts / phone calls the last few months.  I promise to be better going forward.  :)  Your support means the absolute world to us and I think of you often.