Strength vs Vulnerability

I've been thinking a lot lately about those two words...strength and vulnerability.  I am no expert in all things philosophical, but going through this pregnancy journey has forced me to stop and ponder more things, especially relating to how I view the outside world, how I handle my own emotions, etc.

I've always strived to be the strong person.  My mom is certainly the epitome of strength, but I'll get into that with a later post.  In some ways, I've always admired people that were the picture perfect example of resilience when things got tough.  The individuals that could stand quietly and stare ahead without a blink of the eye when others around them were faltering.  I always thought these people were the ones that really had it together, they really were strong enough to face anything without flenching.  Throughout this journey, I've tried to be that person.

This week, I was the expectant mother seated at a conference table staring at six strangers talking about possible funeral arrangements for my unborn child.  Sure my voice cracked a couple of times but I was absolutely determined not to cry.  I've been absolutely determined not to cry in front of others this whole journey.  And you know what...it's driving me absolutely bananas.  Every time I walk away from one of these situations were I find myself choking back my words and trying to keep the tears from spilling over my eyelids I wonder what in the world is wrong with me.  I should not be ashamed to show emotion.  This is what led me to thinking about vulnerability and why it's not a bad thing to be vulnerable.

By definition, vulnerability is about being "exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally."  You read that and you absolutely think the last thing you would want is to be vulnerable, but I have to say I'm starting to tend more towards the thought that you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable.  It is okay to let others see that when life hands you difficult circumstances you don't have to robotically sort your way through the situation.  I am also starting to realize that what really connects you, what really bonds you to those around you is to allow them to see that underneath it all you are just another person going through a difficult time.

It is so easy to look around at the world and think that everyone else has a perfect life.  The bigger house, the nicer cars, the picture perfect family, but when you dig a little deeper I think everyone has their "thing".  If we all walk around acting like we don't have a "thing", then how do we ever allow people to get close to us?  I'm not saying we need to walk around like a billboard promoting our "things", but I'm beginning to realize how important it is to allow ourselves to be vulnerable, to let people in and be willing to share and ask for help if you need it.  This is how friendships evolve from just superficial relationships to lifetime connections.

I don't want to go through life as the perfect, robotic family.  Source

I don't really know where all this is taking me, but I'm thankful this journey has caused me to slow down and reflect more.  My goal is to start allowing myself to be more vulnerable because through that I think I can actually gain more strength.  I'm not going to let myself measure strength in the number of tears I don't allow myself to cry, though.  I need to realize that it's okay for this tall chick to let others see that she's just another person with another "thing" trying to figure it all out the best way she can.

I'm also going to leave you with this quote I got from a dear friend and I think it ties in perfectly with the message of strength : "God's will will never take you anywhere that God's grace will not protect you."