I guess the best way I can explain it is that this journey so far has been all about the pregnancy. Trying to stay pregnant...trying to make sure I didn't miscarry or deliver early. Now, it's all about getting ready to actually give birth to Will. Making sure that we are ready to bring him into this world and with that comes a million emotions. I've thought lots about things I want to do when he's born; things I want to be sure to remember to do. But now that we're getting so close to delivery day, I actually have to make sure I'm ready to do them.
One of these tasks was getting our bags packed and ready to go to the hospital. I wasn't feeling great today and got a bit panicky about it, so I rounded up all of our stuff tonight and got our bags packed and ready to go. GULP.
Some of the things that we've packed may seem silly, but given everything the doctors are trying to "prepare" us for, I wanted to have a few special things there that would help make it feel a little more like home. I don't know if they'll help or not, but I feel better knowing that we have those special things ready for our little boy.
Besides packing bags and thinking through the logistics of everything, I think Carlton and I have also been trying to more emotionally prepare ourselves for whatever lies ahead. I don't know that it's even possible to do this, but each of us are trying to reconcile things in our own heads..in our own way.
Tonight, I found Carlton sitting quietly with his laptop typing up a letter to his son. I acted like I didn't know what he was doing, but after a little while, he turned quietly and asked me if I wanted to read it. Of course, I said yes then quickly realized it may not have been a good idea. All I will say is this... I have an amazing husband. I can't imagine going through something like this with anyone else in the entire world. He is truly an amazing father and sweet Will is blessed beyond measure to have this man in his life. I will never be able to express with adequate words exactly what Carlton means to me and how his constant reassurance has made this journey even possible.
I think Emme (Will's big sister) is even preparing in some ways, too. I think she senses something is going on because she doesn't want to let me out of her sight. She also positively melted my heart tonight when she was getting ready for bed. We always give her big hugs and kisses before we tuck her in and tonight we leaned her down to my belly and she said, "love you, brother". My heart is seriously so full... I'm so thankful for my family; my constant source of strength and reassurance that indeed everything will be okay. No matter what happens. It will be okay.
We go back for another appointment tomorrow morning to check on Will and measure his chest and abdomen. I'm prayerful that maybe the ratios won't be so low this time and maybe the doctors will become more optimistic... I can't imagine losing our squirming little boy.
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| 1) All of the necessary devices; iPhones, chargers, cameras and a headlamp! Don't laugh... I love my headlamp. I'm sure it will come in handy. :) 2) Keepsake clay for capturing Will's hand and footprints. I also packed some special paper for his prints, too. 3) Special outfits! Will's big sister wore these on her first days in the hospital and she wore the hat for some photos when she got home. 4) I printed off signs for Will's bed in the hospital to make sure everyone handles him with special care since he has suspected OI. 5) A special teddy bear that was Will's Daddy's when he was little and a swaddling blanket that we used with his big sister that she has been sleeping with lately. |
Some of the things that we've packed may seem silly, but given everything the doctors are trying to "prepare" us for, I wanted to have a few special things there that would help make it feel a little more like home. I don't know if they'll help or not, but I feel better knowing that we have those special things ready for our little boy.
Besides packing bags and thinking through the logistics of everything, I think Carlton and I have also been trying to more emotionally prepare ourselves for whatever lies ahead. I don't know that it's even possible to do this, but each of us are trying to reconcile things in our own heads..in our own way.
Tonight, I found Carlton sitting quietly with his laptop typing up a letter to his son. I acted like I didn't know what he was doing, but after a little while, he turned quietly and asked me if I wanted to read it. Of course, I said yes then quickly realized it may not have been a good idea. All I will say is this... I have an amazing husband. I can't imagine going through something like this with anyone else in the entire world. He is truly an amazing father and sweet Will is blessed beyond measure to have this man in his life. I will never be able to express with adequate words exactly what Carlton means to me and how his constant reassurance has made this journey even possible.
I think Emme (Will's big sister) is even preparing in some ways, too. I think she senses something is going on because she doesn't want to let me out of her sight. She also positively melted my heart tonight when she was getting ready for bed. We always give her big hugs and kisses before we tuck her in and tonight we leaned her down to my belly and she said, "love you, brother". My heart is seriously so full... I'm so thankful for my family; my constant source of strength and reassurance that indeed everything will be okay. No matter what happens. It will be okay.
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| My Mom, Carlton & Emme in the hospital the day after she was born wearing one of the outfits I packed for Will. |
We go back for another appointment tomorrow morning to check on Will and measure his chest and abdomen. I'm prayerful that maybe the ratios won't be so low this time and maybe the doctors will become more optimistic... I can't imagine losing our squirming little boy.
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