Where There's A Will...

During the first few months of this pregnancy, it was pretty hard to think about naming our sweet boy.  Things weren't going all that well and I had such a fear that we were going to lose him before the "edge of viability".  Can I just say how relieved I am not to have to worry about those dreaded words anymore?!  In fact, I think it's important right now just to say how incredibly blessed we are to have made it so far along in this pregnancy.  There was a time when we thanked God for every single day our little boy grew in utero and we cautiously counted down the weeks until he would be big enough to have a chance at survival outside of the womb.  I sit here now, though, staring down his due date and feeling beyond nervous.  Our son is due to be delivered in just over a week; next Wednesday, May 2.  The best part of that is that I'll be 39 weeks pregnant at that point.  We made it to full-term and that is a miracle, praise God!

Let's get back to talking about Will's name for a few minutes.  Before we even got pregnant, we knew that we liked the name, William.  Yes, we're one of those couples that maintain a spreadsheet of boy and girl names we like.  Dorky?  Yes, but I don't care!  It was several months into the pregnancy before we had the courage to really talk about naming him, though.  As I said before, things weren't going well and in some ways we were afraid to name him.  It just seemed that a name would make things more real.  The ironic part is that is exactly why we decided to give him a name and announce it to everyone in the end.  A name did make him more real, not just a blob on an ultrasound image or a baby boy we didn't really know.  The name somehow gave him an identity and helped create a stronger bond between us all.  It also made praying for him so much easier.  The other cool thing about us always having liked the name, William, was the significance of the nickname, Will.  Our little boy has certainly demonstrated an incredible amount of willpower this whole pregnancy.  He has clung to life and proven the doctors wrong for many months and even to this day he continues to stump them and show us that nothing in this journey will be predictable or normal.  

My two kiddos and me walking along the beach October 18, 2011.
Will's hanging out in my belly so you may not see his footprints.  ;)

One of things I'm most grateful for that Will has done for our family is bring us back into a closer relationship with God.  Yesterday at church, the sermon was on how each of us have the opportunity to show others how great God is.  Basically, it focused on how each of us are living examples of Jesus' resurrection and how we have the ability and responsibility to spread His word to others.  I've been praying a lot lately about how our journey can help others and if it's possible to use this walk we've been on to help spread His love.  For example, there have been many times during the last few months that I've seen other expectant moms leaving the high risk doctor's office in tears.  It rips my heart out to see that.  I've been there and I've done that, too.  I just want to grab them and tell them it's going to be okay.  I want to share our story and how God has helped us through the times when things felt so out of control and scary.  I don't yet know how I'm going to pull it all together, but I have some initial thoughts.  I just need God's guidance to point my heart in the right direction and guide my actions according to His will.

I don't know how things are going to play out over the coming days, weeks and months, but I want to lay this out there.  I'm not going to forget this journey we've been on the past 228 days (since complications began).  I am fearful that I'm not going to want to remember these times once Will is born, but I feel led to find a way to help other moms that are just beginning their high risk pregnancy journeys.  I remember how desperate you feel in those early days, how alone and very vulnerable the whole thing makes you, and I feel like there needs to be more support for all of the parents going through it.  More importantly, I want to find a way to share the joy and peace that God alone can bring to you when faced with such uncertainty.  

Things are going to be busy when Will is born, but I promise not to forget.  I realize that when there's a Will, there's a way.  The impossible can be made possible.  Please continue to pray for our family and guidance for me in the aspirations I have to use this journey to help lead others to the peace and compassion of Jesus Christ.  I certainly would not be sitting here today sharing our story if it weren't for His love and the peace he's given to us on this journey.