Guest Post: From A Dad's Point Of View

This is a guest post written by my fabulous hubby, Carlton.  Words cannot even begin to describe what an amazing husband and father this man has been.  I think it is so easy in every day life to take your partner for granted.  You wake up, you go to work, you get home, you eat dinner, you go to bed.  Life is kind of mundane and it's easy to forget why you fell in love with someone.  This journey with Will has brought us closer and I'm so grateful for that.  We have had conversations about life and death.  We have cried on each other's shoulders.  When one of us is down, the other one is there picking up the pieces.  Life isn't always easy, but I am forever grateful that I have this strong, caring partner by my side.  Love you, Carlton.


As I sat in the quiet darkness beside my boy’s NICU bed, him quietly resting, I noticed a smiling lady come into the room.  She walked by quietly and sat at the bedside of the tiny premature baby behind me and began reading bible stories. It was late, so I didn’t immediately recognize who she was but it soon dawned on me that I had seen her before... it was the 3rd shift receptionist.  She was on her break; she was the only visitor that I saw with this premature baby during the entire duration of our stay.

It wasn’t until I got choked up reflecting on this to Mary later on that I realized what a profound effect the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) was having on me.  Shortly after we arrived, I thought it to be the absolute worst place in the world and could not wait to leave.  The crying mothers and relatives, the sick babies, the quiet tension of waiting for the worst to happen.  A random stranger so distraught over what was going on with her situation that she hugged my sister in the wash room and wept over her shoulder.  Cops even showing up sometimes to contain grieving families that could not contain themselves.  Regardless of all this, by the time we were packing up on Sunday and as badly as we wanted to get home, the only thought going through my head about the NICU was that I was glad we had been there.  I will never forget the experience. 

Dad and Will having some kangaroo care time in the NICU.

My boy was not in the NICU because of what was wrong with him, but what might be wrong with him. And even as these overworked nurses had their hands full with some of the worst cases imaginable, they still treated my child with the same level of superior care, even though he needed less attention.  They doted over Will as if he were their own.  They stayed late and they came in early.  They discussed each of the four cases in our room with their shift-change replacement like they were engaging in an intense political discussion.  I do not hesitate to call these fine men and women ANGELS and being a long time cynic, I do not throw this term around lightly.  

Also during our stay, there were often NICU “alumni” coming back through the doors for a visit of gratitude. Many children who are treated there are treated for months, not days, and usually the same nurses will attend to them, so they get attached like it was a child of their own. The skill of the staff is great and their love is apparent.  It is in these people that this cynic saw the absolute best in humanity.  If there were any justice in the world, these nurses would be earning what professional athletes earn.  But they don’t seem to care.  It’s the job that they come in for, not the paycheck.  

Since Will ended up being born very healthy, he did not require much of the treatment that is available in the NICU.  The nurses’ skills were not tested by his case.  He was “boring”.  Even with Will’s boring case and our short stay in the NICU, I was profoundly impacted by the experience.  I can’t imagine what it does to a person who has to spend months in there with a child clinging to life.

If it were up to me, every parent-to-be or parent-want-to-be should spend time in the NICU and understand what love and compassion for a child really is.  

My boy, Will, is now an alumnus of the Duke NICU.  One of our charge nurses asked that we come back and visit so she can see how he progresses.  Part of me feels like we don’t belong, don’t deserve that honor, because Will’s case was so benign, but the other part of me knows that those nurses loved and cared for him just as much as any other case, so why deny them of that request?  For five agonizing, amazing days, my boy was their child as well. Simply put.  

Along with my wife, I want to sincerely thank each and every one of you for your wishes and prayers.  Before the NICU, I probably would have chalked up Will’s miraculous turnaround simply as a misdiagnosis, but after spending five days in the presence of angels, I now am absolutely certain it was a miracle from God. 

---Carlton, aka Mr. Man