On this day last week, I was surrounded by lots of people offering their support and love as we headed into the unknown. I knew that Will's arrival was imminent, but I had no idea how it would all turn out. We had briefings with lots of medical staff and answered questions no soon-to-be parent should ever have to answer. Do you want chest compressions if he's not breathing? Do you want him put on a respirator? Doctors also told me that if I didn't hear him cry when they delivered him, then it was a bad sign. Let's just say that all of those questions and comments coupled with months and months of scary ultrasounds left me feeling very nervous about his birth.
Right before being wheeled back to the operating room, we all said a prayer. I was too nervous to hear all the words, but inside I was pleading for the life of my son. I couldn't believe that literally his life or death was mere minutes away. I kissed Carlton goodbye and as tears filled my eyes they rolled me back towards the operating room. I remember hearing the nervous chatter of nurses; they, too, were unsure of what to say at a moment like this. I remember looking up at the bright lights and being scared out of my mind. I remember shaking violently; the room was cold and my nerves were uncontrollable. I just couldn't stop the tears from flowing. I knew that the moment we had been thinking of for so many months was here. Will was being born. In some ways, I felt like we were tinkering with his destiny. We were delivering him early via elective c-section. If he didn't make it, was I taking him away earlier than I had to? Shouldn't I want him to stay in my womb longer just so he's with us? It was gut wrenching and I felt totally out of control. I was there laying on the operating table alone, the doctors were scrubbing in, and Will was coming whether we were ready or not.
Soon, Carlton joined everyone in the operating room and the doctor announced that he had already cut me open. Only a few minutes passed and then he declared that he was getting ready to pull Will out. The moment had arrived. I held my breath and prayed harder than I've ever prayed before that I would hear Will cry. If he was crying, he was breathing. Breathe, Will, breathe. Just like the doctor had said, I felt Will being pushed out and soon enough I heard it. I heard his cry. It wasn't a weak wimper, it was a cry. A CRY! Praise God our little Will cried! I absolutely lost it at this point and Carlton took off running with the doctors to evaluate him. I was sad that I didn't get to see Will or touch him before he was gone, but knowing that his dad was there made it a little easier.
The doctors took Will to a separate room for evaluation and monitoring; Carlton went with him. I was left all alone on that operating table waiting for the procedure to be finished. It took nearly forty-five minutes and during this time, I held my phone tightly in my hand waiting for updates from Carlton. Yes, I was the crazy girl laying on the operating table crying, shaking and trying to text my husband for updates. It wasn't a pretty sight, but I didn't care. Soon, the updates started coming in...
|Obviously this isn't the picture perfect way your precious son enters the world, but|
thankfully I was able to have my phone and get updates confirming
that Will was doing well.
I am so thankful that last week is over. It was by far one of the most difficult weeks of my life, yet it has also been one of the greatest. We serve an almighty God and I can think of no other explanation for Will's journey other than to say it's a true miracle. We have jumped from one scary diagnosis to another and yet this sweet boy keeps acting like any other boring ol' newborn. He eats, he sleeps, he pees, he poops. It's boring and it's fabulous. We are thrilled to have him home with us and prayerful that his miraculous journey continues. Today, I thank God for miracles. I thank Him for the safe entry of Will into this word and I pray for His continued guidance in the coming days.
Happy one week birthday, sweet boy. I love you to the moon and back.
Will also had his first checkup yesterday at the regular pediatrician's office and our boy continued surprising everyone. We had prepared the pediatrician months ago for what we believed was to come with Will, so when we walked in yesterday and showed him Will, he was shocked. He gave him a full evaluation and as I assaulted him with one hard question after another, he eventually just looked at me and smiled and said, "go home, stop worrying and enjoy that baby". That's great advice and exactly what we intend to do.