The Tall Chick: Happy Father's Day

Father's Day is a bittersweet day for me. I miss my Dad more than words will ever adequately express. On days like today, I find myself daydreaming about what it would be like if he were still living. I try to imagine how he would interact with Emme and Will. Would he think I'm a good mother? Would he try to teach me his own philosophy for being a good parent or would he watch me make my own mistakes and laugh to himself as I struggle with the balancing act of an almost two year old and a six week old?

My Dad and me

I always miss my Dad but I know he is with me in spirit. Sometimes when I'm looking for guidance or trying to find the right words to explain how I feel, one of his often used phrases will pop into my head. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago sitting in the emergency room at Duke with Will, I was wondering why all the doctors insist on us taking Will to the ER at the drop of a hat. It was during my contemplation that I realized the doctors were really like me. They are afraid; afraid of the unknown. The first question they always ask is whether we have a diagnosis for him yet. Since we don't, it seems the unknown is overwhelming. The fear of making the wrong decision always leads us to the place where maximum care would be available. During that thought process, my Dad intervened. Thankfully. :) My Dad used to always say, "there is nothing to fear but fear itself." Sure, FDR said it first, but my Dad used that phrase all the time. Those words were a perfect way to describe how I needed to get over the fear of Will. The fear of the unknown. There truly is nothing to fear with Will...whether we have a diagnosis or not.

As much as I missed my Dad today, I had an absolutely amazing time with my own two kiddos this year. There were a few moments today when Carlton and I would just look at each other and smile knowing just how differently things could have been this Father's Day. We surprised him this morning with some artwork Emme and Will helped me create. My heart absolutely bursts with happiness seeing those ~~little~~ giant hand and foot prints!