Things I've noticed about myself lately...

1) How quickly the human body can adjust to getting very little sleep. I can deal with a few hours of sleep, but I can't always hide the effects....see # 2 and 3.

2) I have given up trying to conceal my under eye circles. I wear them like a badge of courage; outward signs to the world that I'm a woman on the verge of **something**.

3) I have to make lists or constantly repeat things to myself or I will forget what to do. Case in point, I went upstairs three different times this morning to get Will's medicine and didn't finally remember it until my third trip.

4) Eating a meal in peace may happen a few years from now. I usually have to nurse Will while eating with one hand (see #5 ); please invite yourself over to dinner anytime!  :)  The pro to this is awesome post pregnancy weight loss!!

5) I am becoming very adept at typing with one finger, using my toes to fetch things from the floor and the refrigerator, and I darn well may be ambidextrous by the time *this* is over.

6) I am slowly learning not to care what my house looks like. Clean is a thing of the past... I apologize in advance to any visitors.

7) I no longer even put on a real bra to go out of the house.  In fact, you're lucky if I even have any type of bra on!

8) My primary attire these days consists of running shorts, a tank top and flip flops. It's my uniform. I may as well burn those J Crew outfits in the closet. They are a symbol of old times. The boring, predictable times.  Times when I slept for 7-8 hours each night.  Oh, how I kind of miss those times.  Wonder what other moms would think if I showed up for a playdate in a suit?

9) I showed up at a playdate last week and realized right before I walked in that I had dried toothpaste all over my face. Hey, at least I brushed.  There's proof!

10) I love my life and these crazy kids. I can't wait until I can look back at this list in a few years and long for these days again!! :)

Now, it's your turn! What about you? What are some of the first things to go when your life gets crazy? Can't wait to read your comments and see that I'm not alone!

Seriously? Another ER trip.

We are now **those** people. Yep, I have the pediatrician on speed dial. I generally call weekly, if not more. We are making a habit out of taking a kid into the ER, and I am becoming quite an expert navigating the hospital system. I make small talk with the nice ladies checking us in. Shoot, I even have my own patient reps with our insurance company. I know all the lingo. Yes, we are **those** people now and frankly it is driving me bonkers.

Out of the blue on Saturday morning, our healthy kid, Emme, got a fever. It went from 102 to almost 104 within an hour. What did I do? Called the pediatrician. Just over 24 hours later, we would find ourselves in another ER. This time with, Emme, our strong as a horse almost two year old. To say we were unprepared to see our sweet girl laying in a hospital bed with a gown on and an IV in her arm would be an understatement. It was in no way a life threatening situation but after everything we have been through with Will, it was hard to see Emme so sick too.

I can't quite wrap my head around all the curveballs life continues to throw our way. We could really use a break and some normalcy around here. I have to admit it is hard to keep a positive attitude when it seems like such random things keep happening. I find myself focusing on the hard stuff, like waiting for the phone to ring with results from Will's genetic testing. I don't even want to think about that!

BUT, I can't let myself focus on all that stuff. We have to keep moving forward. Keep our heads down and chins up. We'll get through all of this, one day at a time. In the meantime, I am going to be thankful. Thankful that we have all these 'problems'. We have two beautiful kids. Two miracles. We will survive all this and come out on the other side stronger...and maybe we will have a permanent suite in the ER with our names on it!! ;)

Hoping Emme feels better soon and that Will is shielded from catching anything contagious. The doctors think Emme may have had a tick bite but we will likely never know for sure. She's on an antibiotic and we are hoping she will be back to her spunky self soon.

Ahhh, never a dull moment around here!!! Time to head back to the doc in a little while! Wish us luck!!

But It Wouldn't Be Will....

Our sweet Will is seven weeks old and time is flying by!!! He still continues to do very well minus his bad belly / reflux issues. We still haven't figured out how to get it under control, and I am starting to think it is just one of those things only time will fully resolve.

Because of Will's bad belly, his sleeping at night is suffering a bit. He tends to do quite well until around 4 AM (yes, I am blogging at 4 am!), but then he has a hard time settling down after that.

In these quiet, dark hours of early morning, I often find myself deep in thought. I lay with my sleeping boy peacefully on my chest. I can feel the rise and fall as he breathes; I feel his warm breath and hear his respirations. I would not trade these moments for anything.

The other night, I was thinking back on how difficult the pregnancy was. How I cried out with fear and panic as we drove down the road after our 18 week anatomy scan when they first discovered issues with Will. I found myself lost in thoughts about how bad his legs would look. Would he ever walk? I wondered how his birth would affect our family. Not long after this 18 week appointment, we had another ultrasound and more things were found that were 'wrong'; the doctor told us we only had a few days to make a decision as to whether we would terminate the pregnancy. This was never a choice for us. God had given us this boy, this journey, this chance to be shown how great His love is.

The point of all that reflection is this... I would not change a second of the heartbreak, the sleepless nights of worry or the difficult questions our pregnancy made us consider. I would not trade those moments for a perfect pregnancy. I caught myself wondering the other night what life would have been like if the pregnancy had been 'normal'. It may have been easier, but so many things would have been lost. We wouldn't have our amazing little miracle, Will. We would not have realized how strong we can be. We wouldn't take as much time to treasure the small moments. I'm treasuring them now...at 4:30 in he morning and I'm so thankful for it. So take time today to treasure a small moment...I know I will.

Facebook Changes

Just a quick post here about all of the changes over at Facebook lately.  If you have liked The Tall Chick on Facebook, be sure that all of my updates are showing up in your news feed by going to The Tall Chick's page, clicking the "liked" button and ensuring "show in news feed" has a check mark beside of it.

If you haven't liked The Tall Chick on Facebook yet, please do so!!  I would love to see you there!

THANK YOU!

Happy Father's Day

Father's Day is a bittersweet day for me.  I miss my Dad more than words will ever adequately express. On days like today, I find myself daydreaming about what it would be like if he were still living.  I try to imagine how he would interact with Emme and Will.  Would he think I'm a good mother?  Would he try to teach me his own philosophy for being a good parent or would he watch me make my own mistakes and laugh to himself as I struggle with the balancing act of an almost two year old and a six week old?

My Dad and me

I always miss my Dad but I know he is with me in spirit.  Sometimes when I'm looking for guidance or trying to find the right words to explain how I feel, one of his often used phrases will pop into my head.  In fact, just a couple of weeks ago sitting in the emergency room at Duke with Will, I was wondering why all the doctors insist on us taking Will to the ER at the drop of a hat.  It was during my contemplation that I realized the doctors were really like me.  They are afraid; afraid of the unknown.  The first question they always ask is whether we have a diagnosis for him yet.  Since we don't, it seems the unknown is overwhelming.  The fear of making the wrong decision always leads us to the place where maximum care would be available.  During that thought process, my Dad intervened.  Thankfully.  :)  My Dad used to always say, "there is nothing to fear but fear itself."  Sure, FDR said it first, but my Dad used that phrase all the time.  Those words were a perfect way to describe how I needed to get over the fear of Will.  The fear of the unknown.  There truly is nothing to fear with Will...whether we have a diagnosis or not.

As much as I missed my Dad today, I had an absolutely amazing time with my own two kiddos this year.  There were a few moments today when Carlton and I would just look at each other and smile knowing just how differently things could have been this Father's Day.  We surprised him this morning with some artwork Emme and Will helped me create.  My heart absolutely bursts with happiness seeing those little giant hand and foot prints!

Thank you, Carlton, for being an amazing Dad to our two beautiful children.  I love you and am thankful every day to be on this journey with you.

Back To Duke Again... ;)

This past Wednesday, Will and I kept our bi-weekly schedule of heading back to a Duke facility.  This time, though, it was for a regular checkup and it was for me.  Sweet Will just got to hang out during my appointment.  Thank goodness!  I am positively thrilled that we haven't had him back to the doctor or the ER in over two weeks!

I also got to introduce our little miracle boy to the medical team that cared for us during the pregnancy.  It was kind of tough being back in the office where we had faced so many fears and cried too many tears to count, but it felt so great to quietly sit in the exam room and admire my perfect little sleeping boy.

I remember sitting in those offices and rooms many times during the pregnancy and trying to envision what Will was going to look like.  How badly were his femurs going to be bowed?  Would he look normal?  Would he be able to breathe?  Was he going to live?  The fear was enough to take my own breath away at times.  Last Wednesday, though, it was as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders.  I did something I never knew that I would do.  I walked through the doors of that office carrying my little boy.  My precious little miracle.  Praise be to God!

Will sleeping in the Duke offices!  :)

Fulfilling My Promise To Give Back

I have big plans and I'm super excited for what the future holds...  Throughout my pregnancy and subsequently after Will's birth, I've mentioned many times that I felt like it was necessary to use our journey to help others.

After everything we went through with Will and how absolutely blessed we are to have him with us, I feel like it is beyond necessary that we celebrate God's gift to us by using our journey to help others. I have had some preliminary conversations and am in the beginning stages of pulling together my ideas on exactly how I want to serve others going through high risk pregnancies.  I am praying for God's guidance and hopefully I'll be ready to share my ideas and plans with you soon!  I could use your prayers and positive thoughts, too, as I head down this path.  Chances are I'm also going to be asking for your help to get it off the ground... So stay tuned!  

Random Saturday Night Discussion

I'm sitting here having a random Saturday night discussion with the hubby. The question is... What would your last meal be if you could choose right now?

My answer....
Thinly sliced and fried pieces of Spam
Thinly sliced and fried pieces of bologna
Bacon
Velveeta Shells and Cheese
Jar of basic yellow mustard
Pieces of plain untoasted white bread
Banana split with lots of chocolate syrup
Chocolate milk

I think I am craving far too many processed pork products and chocolate! What does this say about me?!?!

What would your requests be for your last dinner? Anyone else out there going to support me on my quest for fried spam? :). If you haven't tried it, you should!

Our Miracle Journey: A Video Diary of Will's Birth

Can you believe it?  Will is five weeks old already...  Time is flying by and I can hardly believe how quickly our little boy is growing up.

Throughout our pregnancy, I vowed that I didn't want to reach the end and suddenly forget all that we had been through.  In some ways, I want to move forward and not look back on all the tears and fears, but somehow that seems wrong.  Our family grew so much during all those difficult times.  We grew together in love; we became stronger.  Our faith in God reached new levels.  Yes, the journey to Will's birth was long and hard, but now that I have some time to reflect on things I realize what a blessing those hard times were.  While going through our pregnancy, I was so focused on getting to the end.  I wanted resolution in so many ways, but I was also scared.  I was afraid that the end would also be the end of Will's life here on Earth.  It made it so difficult to enjoy the journey when the end was so unpredictable.

As I sit here today, I also can't help but think of the other families out there going through something similar right now.  When I used to leave our doctors office, I would often see other moms in the parking lot sitting in their cars with tears running down their face.  I was that woman many times, and I'm sure others have since done the same.  I can't ignore that...  I must not ignore that.  I feel so compelled to help other families that are walking down the road we were on.  I don't yet know how this is going to play out, but I'm praying about it and hopefully the Lord will point me in the right direction when the time is right.

For now, I'm sharing a special video with you.  This video chronicles our journey with Will.  I wrote many letters to him while I was pregnant and the video contains excerpts from those letters including amazing photography from the day of Will's birth thanks to Julia Wade Photography.

The Birth of a Miracle from The Tall Chick on Vimeo.

When viewing the video, be sure you click on the four little arrows to the left of the the vimeo logo  so you can expand the video to fit your full screen.  It will help you read the text fully!


Thank you to each and every one of you for reading our posts and supporting us throughout our journey with Will.  Your prayers and thoughts propelled us when times were tough and gave us the strength to keep pushing through.  I hope you enjoy this video and stay tuned to the blog for more updates on Will as the book on his life continues to be written.